Poem
by cobra
Summary: Xander rights a poem and thinks about his life. Something i wrote in about 20min to try and overcome my writers block


This takes place inbetween season one and two.  
  
THIS IS NOT BETA'D. This is just something I wrote in twenty minutes to try and get over my writers block. I'm not sure if it worked....  
  
Alexander LaVelle Harris, Xander to his friends, sat at the desk in his room. A pencil in his right hand and a blank piece of wide rule paper in front of him. Poetry. Songs. Writing. The only things that let him express himself without fear. He could write what he felt and not worry about someone elses thoughts about it. It was his. He closed his eyes and opened them quickly. The vision of her body still lingered in the front of his mind. Her beutiful eyes closed. Her chest still. A single tear escaped his brown eyes as he thought of how close he came to losing her. How close the world came to losing her.  
  
"A goddess in life. An angel in death. A protector of innocence. Until the untimely end"  
  
His pencil stilled as he again thought of her. Her blonde hair. Her brilliant smile. Her beautiful soul. Everything about her he was in love with. Everything about her.  
  
"The protector of the protector. Savior of the goddess. He stands in the background. soon to be forgotten"  
  
His head seemed to hang lower as he realized he thought of himself as this. As her unwanted hero. Unseen savior. And... He didn't regret seeing himself as this. His love for her pushed all the feelings of self hate and loathing away. His love for her pushed his own feelings aside and focused on her. And her happiness.  
  
"The man in the shadows. shrouded in mystery. Wrong for the girl. But still in her heart."  
  
Xander wasn't as nieve as some people believed. He didn't believe that 'Love' conquered all and everyone lived happily ever after. But, Buffy did. He knew this would lead to some problems in the future. She would find that not only can she not be happy with only love. Angel would stay young, she would grow old. She would want children, Angel couldn't have any. Lvie would move on and she would wind up either being alone. Or just unhappy. Either way he knew she deserved more. But, he could only help her so much.  
  
"The live's we live are all our own. Others can interfer But never condemn."  
  
Her mistakes were her own. Same as his were his. No one could change another persons heart. Love could never die by outside interference. Xander knew this. And he knew that no matter what happened he would be there in the end. He would be her savior. Unseen. Unheard. Unwanted. She could not see him. She could not hear him. She could not want him. But he new deep in his heart she would always need him. She would always need help. And need love.  
  
"The protector of protectors. Still in the dark. Unwanted he will stay behind her. To finish from start. The lives that we live are not our own. But the way we live them. Cannot be ill done."  
  
Xander sat back in his desk. It wasn't a great poem. Hell not even a good poem. Not a Shakesperian Sonnet. Not a poem to be remembered forever. Just something that was in his heart. That came from his soul. He didn't know if anyone else would ever see the writing on the piece of paper. And he wasn't suprised to find he didn't care if anyone saw it. And if they did would they know what and who he was talking about. Would they know who the protector was. Or the Protectors Savior? Or even the Man of Mystery? No, this was his. If it was seen by the light of day it wouldn't change his feelings over his work. He would never see the poem as a failure. It was from the heart. It could be trash to someone else but to him..... It was a masterpiece. Xander smiled slightly as he folded the poem into a paper airplane and opened his bedroom window. He watched as the paper plane flew into the night. Destination unknown. He smiled for a second then closed his window.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Elizabeth Anne Summers, Buffy the vampire slayer to her friends and enemies, watched as the white paper plane flew from Xander's window and landed at her feet. She noticed the writing on it as she picked it up and couldn't help but want to read it. So she was nosy. Not her fault. She had come by to see if Xander wanted to go on patrol with her tonight. Willow was studying and Angel had disappeared for the night. Buffy wouldn't tell anyone this but she was afraid to patrol alone. Since the master's demise she had always had someone with her each night. As she thought about it she realized it was usually Xander who followed her out. Even when she didn't ask or want him to. She unfolded the plane and began to read the words written on the paper. Her smile seems to fade the farther down she reads. As she finishes the poem she looks up at the window and picks up a pebble. She tosses into the glass to get Xanders attention. Xander see's Buffy and motions her to the back door. Buffy walks around the house, folding the poem into a square and placing it in her pocket. She and Xander had some things to talk about. If only she knew what to say.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Xander opened the door and stepped aside so Buffy could walk in.  
  
"What's up Buff?" Xander asked with the half smile on his face. Buffy looked at him for a second before turning to the stairs and going to his room. Xander seemed confused but followed the slayer up the stairs to the first door on the left. Xander walked in to see Buffy sitting at his desk. Xander moved and sat on the corner of his bed facing the blonde slayer.  
  
"Did I do something wrong? Cause if I did I'm sorry....." Buffy held up the poem to silence him and Xander groaned and closed his eyes.  
  
"From now on I burn them.." He muttered to himself. Buffy stared at him for a second.  
  
"Why did you write this?" She asked as she re-read the poem. Xander looked at her for a second.  
  
"Would you believe I found it on the net?" Buffy only glared at him and her relented he stood and began pacing.  
  
"Because its the truth. Because I had to get it out. I couldn't tell anyone but on paper everything seems simpler." Xander is still pacing as Buffy watches him from her seat. She watches as Xander walks toward his closet and pulls out a shoe box.  
  
"These are all the others. The one in your hand is what I think of as my best ever. I threw it out because I couldn't stand to read it over and over again and I know that is all I would do. I write things down so they don't stay in my heart and bug me to death." Buffy sits in the chair. Still. Silent. Xander sits down on the corner of the bed again and puts his head in his hands.  
  
"Because. This is the only way I can say I love you." Buffy stood quietly and picked up the box on the bed.  
  
"I need time to think about this." Xander lifted his head from his hands and nodded.  
  
"Fair enough." Buffy turned to leave, Xander's voice stopped her just before she walked out the door.  
  
"I won't wait forever for you to fall in love with me Buffy. But, I will always be here for you. Always." Buffy turned and looked at Xander with unshed tears in her eyes.  
  
"Your not unwanted Xand. Never unwanted." Buffy again turned and walked out of Xander's bedroom. Xander watched her go with a small smile on his face. Maybe this was a step forward. He knew one thing for sure... Nothing could make them take a step back.  
  
END???????????  
  
I'm not sure if I should end this now and MAYBE do a sequel. Or if I should make it a multi-part fic. How about you tell me in your reviews? After all. The fans are always right. At least the ones i agree with anyway. Oh and the next part of Only Human will be out in the next couple of days. The flashbacks I promised about the year and a half I skipped will start. And another thing between Buffy and Xander will begin. And no. its not Angel. 


End file.
